


Why Fight?

by Dead God (DeadGod)



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Aftermath of Possession, Body Stealing, Implied/Referenced Transphobia, Isolation, Jonah Magnus is a morosexual, M/M, Power Imbalance, Probably Canon Divergent, Sharing a Body, Trans Male Character, Unhealthy Relationships, We doing this, hell yeah its elias x elias, i love original elias, referenced eye injury, we going there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-23 05:04:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21314638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadGod/pseuds/Dead%20God
Summary: Statement of Elias Bouchard, regarding his time spent possessed by the spirit of Jonah Magnus. Written before 160, still possible but a lot harder to pull off this specific way.
Relationships: Elias Bouchard & Gertrude Robinson, Elias Bouchard & Michael Shelley, Elias Bouchard & Peter Lukas, Elias Bouchard/Jonah Magnus, Jonah Magnus/Peter Lukas
Comments: 18
Kudos: 98
Collections: Real Elias Bouchard Fics





	Why Fight?

TAPE RECORDER CLICKS ON  
JON: Are you sure you want to do this? You know he's almost certainly going to hear it.  
ELIAS, voice free of its usual confidence and smugness: Uh, yeah. Yeah, I think so. It's nothing he doesn't already know and well, I need to talk about it? And don't really think I could without the ocular bullshit you got going on.  
JON: Alright. Statement of Elias Bouchard, regarding his time spent possessed by the spirit of Jonah Magnus. Statement begins.

ELIAS: Okay. Alright. I guess a bit of background would help with understanding you know, how a ghost convinced me to tear out my eyes and shove his in there.  
So my family is like. Rich. Like not upper-middle class, I'm talking absurdly wealthy in ways I can't really comprehend like, multi-billionaires. So when I say I graduated uni with a barely passing grade I think you can tell what I mean is "failed every class but they got a new science building". But I mean it's not like I was there cause it was important I get educated I was there because that's where I was told I should go.   
And then after I graduated I told my parents "Hey! I think I'm a dude." Which went, you know, terrible so I got really high and started wandering around London.  
Eventually somehow I ended up in the Institute lying my ass off about like, I think it was a demon bike? To a very unimpressed Eric Delano. Man, that guy loathed me. But also I absolutely deserved it and he was a really good guy to everyone else so really I wish- ah, nevermind.  
But anyways after I was done since he wanted to be around me as little as possible he just said "same way you came in" and as it turned out I had no memory of what that way was so I just kind of wandered around until I ran into... well, him. He was in his late sixties, handsome enough for an older dude. Square chin, full lips. But what caught me, what made me stop in my tracks the first time I saw him were his eyes. A warm, soft brown colour, with such an intense gaze, that even before I learned what he was I felt certain he saw everything, noticed not just my wide pupils and expensive clothes but the diploma I had crushed in my bag and the mechanisms of my throat as my breath caught. And in spite of seeing what a piece of shit I was, he smiled at me. Asked my name. I remember I said "Elias Everett Bouchard. Thinking of dropping the Bouchard though." And when I walked out of the building, I had a new job.

I was myself there for about five years. I had to move into a worse apartment, of course, start learning to budget and shop and whatever. Didn't do great but I mean I guess I didn't die. I never had many responsibilities at the archives, mostly because people didn't really trust me to get things done, but I had one or two friends and the stuff in there was so fucking cool. I found myself legitimately interested in learning about stuff for the first time since... fuck, maybe just for the first time. I mean magic was real and yeah most of it sucked but I wasn't a researcher and my childhood sucked for entirely mundane reasons so that never really clicked y'know? And I mean, he was always around.  
Started off a pretty normal boss I think, though movies and shit say I should've probably hated him more. With the benefit of his own memories of the time I know looking back that he had recognized my surname instantly, and wealth paired with a very close eye colour - mine were a little darker, but not much - made me a good candidate right off the bat. That's why he hired me and was uncharacteristically lenient on my just, complete lack of professionalism. He didn't want to scare me off before he could use me. But every interaction we had my little crush grew to the point he couldn't have scared me off if he tried.  
He was just so confident and intelligent and funny in a subtle way that made you feel smart for understanding that he was joking. And well, he seemed to like me back. Laughed at my much less clever jokes, happily answered my questions about various artifacts or statements he seemed to genuinely like spending time with me, and that just felt so good that someone like him would appreciate my company made me feel so special.  
So one day, in artifact storage I uh. I kissed him. And then we went back to his office and did a little more.  
People were pretty uncomfortable about it which looking back like, yeah, he was my boss and way older than me even if he had been only as old as he seemed. But at the time I dismissed any idea that it wasn't a perfectly healthy and appropriate relationship out of hand. I was an adult, perfectly capable of making my own decisions about these things. And looking into those eyes I knew so long as he was looking at me I'd be okay. And then eventually he explained that he was dying.

Now he wasn't exactly lying. I don't think he ever outright lied to me actually. Jack Wright's body was dying, a   
genetic disease I think, even if his death wouldn't actually be his death.   
But he told me he was dying and that I could help. Explained that the institute was dedicated to a power called the Eye and by sacrificing mine there was a ritual he could do to extend his life. Again, all technically true.  
I want to say I don't know how I was stupid enough to say yes but I absolutely do. It was because I loved him and trusted him and I was certain he'd never actually hurt me. And for the first time this guy who I felt had given me so much, he was asking for something from me. So I said yeah.  
I don't remember the procedure itself, I was under anesthetic obviously. I just remember before the doctor he'd found somewhere put me under I saw his warm brown eyes watching me. And when they opened I wasn't me anymore.

I was very confused at first and he didn't exactly bother explaining, though I felt a twinge of sadness from him at my confusion. Never guilt, just sadness. But he had a doctor to pay off and a body to bury and my life to settle into.  
There wasn't any privacy in there for either of us and while his long life and near omniscience meant I had a lot to sort through, his memories of what had happened were pretty near the surface. I was pissed of course, but all the raging and mental yelling never even seemed to phase him. He only directly responded to me every once in a while that first week, and whenever he did it was more by reflex than anything.  
I tried to figure what had happened to the others who'd been in my place and that was upsetting, learning that as I had no way to express my identity eventually it would just fade, subsumed into him. I felt so stupid, sure his affection for me may not have been entirely fake but it was still a means to an end.  
So when he went to see my family in a nice suit and my mom made a shitty comment and I sent unreceived signals to my body to flinch I was surprised to feel his anger, and the paradigm of the conversation shifted. Instead of flattery attempts to worm his way into their good graces, he became pure threats. My dad thought this was very funny until Jonah brought up an ex he was apparently not very over. I don't need to go into the details, he never talked to them again after and they died a few years later with the bulk of their wealth going to us.  
But that anger in my defense was... it wasn't enough to make me forgive him exactly, but for some reason, it was enough that I could get past it for a bit. So I said thanks.  
And I felt the calculations he did, the weighing of pros and cons for the next few hours. If he acknowledged I was a person I would continue to be a person. I thought for sure he wouldn't think this shitty idiot stoner wouldn't be worth it.  
But before we went to sleep. He said your welcome.

He didn't give me back half custody of my body or anything. I was still nothing more than a voice in his head. But I was a voice that he listened to, so I was a voice that stuck around. Only two people ever realized that though.  
The first was Peter Lukas and he did not suspect I was in there at all. I do really want to just chalk it up to "he's an idiot" and call it a day but it was a little more than that even though he really is such a fucking idiot. I spent all of my time immersed in Jonah's thoughts and feeling's and I still have a hard time imagining what he saw in him.  
JON: I'm sorry, did you just imply-  
ELIAS: Oh yeah. Actually, the eighth divorce proceedings were still in progress when we went to prison so I think I'm technically his widower.  
JON: They- they got divorced seven times?  
ELIAS: And that's just the times they've gotten married! They've broken up before getting to that point at least twice as many times, not even mentioning all the hookups when they were supposed to be separated. I used to call Pete "Whale" because the only things he loved were the ocean and eating Jonah.  
JON: *choked sputtering noises*  
ELIAS: *laughs* Yeah... But you can see why he needed to know I was in there right? Like, they'd met when Jack was still meat puppet of choice but being physically around the same age kicked things off. And much as there was always gonna be a certain distance there some things you do actually need to tell your shitty antisocial ocean boyfriend. Oh right! I was gonna say something earlier. What, uh...  
JON: Why he didn't think you were there, other than being an idiot.  
ELIAS: Right thanks. Fuck is he an idiot though. So the thing about Peter Lukas is as much as a part of him longs for companionship, and as often as he's picking candidates to bother and poke at with the pretext of drawing in, he grew up in an environment where isolation is very much the default. Opening up to someone is bad enough. But to have someone literally never leave your side? To be utterly incapable of being alone in a way even greater than the Eye already provides? It was such an alien concept that no matter how obvious it became he just didn't put the pieces together.  
Eventually, though it became uh, kinda imperative. They had been meant to be discussing funding, and they had actually gotten that done first because Jonah, but that was a few hours before and they'd been drinking and Peter, well, went for it. And that was when Jonah had to push him back like "Hey first we need to talk" and Peter who loves to talk but hates talking kind of pouted but pretty quickly understood the gist of what was being said and sort of freaked out. He'd known basically that Jonah was an old ass body hopper. But the fact that I was still there was pretty fucking weird. He calmed down a little and asked if I was there where were the rest, and Jonah smiled a little and said I was special which...  
*throat clearing* Anyway. To his credit, he got what that meant and asked if I was you know, them, was okay with me. And this may be weird given what I've said about Peter so far but honestly? I was pretty fine with it. Jonah has memorized line for line basically every book he's ever read and he's read a lot of books, so except for things like this and when, to spare you the details, the physical sensations where un-ignorable, I just tuned it out. And as for like, jealousy... I mean I was in Jonah's head. I could feel the reciprocation of my feelings and being around Peter didn't make it go away. Jonah relayed basically that, and Peter nodded a little. And then- Fuck. Uh. Then he. Sorry.  
*Sounds of ragged breathing* Mmm. He asked if he could talk to me. And um. I was back. It was the only time I ever had control over my body during those years. But I didn't pull out Jonah's eyes or anything I just. Talked. To Peter fucking Lukas. Which let me tell you is a waste of autonomy even if you've never had yours taken away.  
He didn't really know what to say to me once I could actually respond. I think what he opened with was like "Hi, how are you" or some shit like that. My response was something like "Good do you have weed" cause I'm very funny and then he said "No" because he's not and then we sat in silence for way too long. I felt Jonah's frustration cause for some reason he liked Peter and wanted this to work.   
So I started talking about how lonely it was. About how Jonah was the only person I could talk to, seeing the world through my own eyes no one acknowledging me. I went on for a while actually. And because Peter Lukas is weird and gross the night went very well after that. Couldn't get much reading done if you catch my drift. Never talked directly to Peter again but after a while, he figured out when Jonah was talking and when he was parroting me. 

Never stopped calling him Elias though which was... mmm. Okay like. You guys. Didn't know, not your fault, you're good. The next person. Little shakier but I get it, trying to come across as little a threat as she could, not really possible but fine I understand where it's coming from. Every single motherfucker who has known Jonah Magnus through every iteration and was still going around calling him my name even in private can fuck right off. It is, it is so fucking weird. Apparently, during previous incarnations, he started calling himself that person's name like, in his head? I remember like, later the same day as he started talking to me I called him Jack and he was like, I don't go by that anymore and it's like what am I supposed to call you Elias? Am I supposed to call you my name? No! I'm not doing that, I'm sorry I love you but no. He laughed at that. Said I could call him Jonah if I wanted. It was an old name, one no one else was allowed to use but that he didn't mind if I did. Much as I try to put irreverence into it even now I get this warm feeling whenever I use it.

Anyway uh. The other was Gertrude. Of course it was, she noticed immediately that my eyes were ever so slightly the wrong colour. And of course, she noticed that I was not at all bereft over the sudden loss of my not-so-secret lover and acting exactly like him. So she knew he was there. But it wasn't until way later that she realized I still was.  
I don't remember the exact year, but it was after all of her assistants were gone and while he was very calm about it I had been wrecked. Eric was a bummer but it wasn't her fault and it wasn't like we were close anyway. But Michael... Michael was a friend. Too conflict-averse sure, but we all have problems and he just was so nice. Fuck, if I'd listened to him about Jack being a creep and he'd listened to me about Gertrude being a bitch maybe we could've avoided all the pain coming our way. Sorry, I know you had bad experiences with him, but he really wasn't like that before she...  
I'd begged Jonah to transfer him, warn him, anything. He hadn't. And so Michael too was trapped.  
This was later. I had... again "forgiven him" is wrong, but I couldn't exactly leave and there wasn't anything I could do about it so I just filed it under the same category as that one time he stole my body and tried my best to think of how he'd gotten the kind of chicken I liked. Gertrude wasn't trapped in our head though so she was fair game to loathe, and she was getting all the loathing I couldn't stand to send Jonah's way on top of what she'd earned.  
So we were at a staff party and she was doing her usual thing of just chilling in the corner but like, pulling it off? Like when you do it, you don't pull it off, just kind of lurk and seem uncomfortable,  
JON: I-  
ELIAS: But she was just sitting on the sidelines like "where the fuck else am I supposed to be?" and everyone accepted it. He wasn't on the sidelines of course. Everywhere else he just sits back and watches, but this was a corporate event. So he was everywhere but the outskirts, talking to everyone always remembering their names without asking, noticing exactly the thing they wanted him to notice, giving the exact right compliment. It was so easy to him, this surface-level stuff, but so satisfying. The surprise and appreciation in each person's face, binding them to him just a little more.  
I couldn't stop thinking about Gertrude though. Just sitting there calmly sipping her cider like she wasn't basically a murderer. And yeah, I know, but like I said I wasn't focusing on him. Conversation wise at least, he quite liked her company too so he headed her way.  
The feeling was not mutual. This was made clear by the way her smile disappeared as we leaned on the wall next to her, taking a sip of our drink to hide his smile. She said my name in that way she did, and he responded with hers and asked if she was enjoying the party and she said yes in a way that meant no and then there was silence for a bit and she asked why we were there. And I don't even remember what it was. But I thought a dumb joke. And he repeated it out loud, cause he found it funny. He did this every so often but when she looked at us, we realized that little habit had never come up around her. And for all that I think she's a real asshole, she's still Gertrude fucking Robinson. But all she said was "Oh."  
I don't remember if they talked more or if so what about. He was a little annoyed but not worried. It wasn't like this really changed anything, for her at least. She wasn't gonna bust me out of there unless she thought it'd be important for something else. Too much risk, not enough reward. And I thought that's fine. I don't want out anyway.

You uh. Know most of the rest I think. Not every detail maybe but that can come later. The murders are important I guess but I'm not ready to talk about any of those yet. Then one night, we went to bed, here in the institute as usual. And I woke up, eyeless and chained to my bed. Alone. Well not, alone, you were there and I guess probably there were other people. But I felt alone.  
I'm not sure how you did it, and I really don't want to know because the ability to grow more eyes definitely seems like something he could do, so I don't really wanna risk it. Especially knowing how bad he is at letting things go.  
But the moment when I first woke up I was so... confused. I remember reaching out with my thoughts for him and then hearing my lips say his name and realizing that I was free sure, but so much more that he was gone. And you asked who I was and I said "Elias Everett Bouchard. Thinking of dropping the Bouchard though." Like nothing had happened. And that's when I started crying.

So... yeah. Anything else?  
JON: Are you- are you doing okay?  
ELIAS: *LAUGHS* I don't know man. I'm certainly doing better. I've mostly acknowledged that his being gone is, in fact, probably a good thing. And I've been catching up on stuff he wasn't as interested in - have you heard of podcasts?  
JON: Uh, ye-  
ELIAS: I fucking love podcasts dude. But like. I miss him. And I miss the things I didn't get to do because of him. And the people I didn't get to say goodbye to. I want to be like, good and I'm not and I think I maybe never will be entirely and I just. I hate that. I hate it so much and I hate myself for it because it's easier than hating him.  
LONG SILENCE  
JON: Thank you, Elias. Statement ends.  
TAPE RECORDER CLICKS OFF

**Author's Note:**

> Hell yeah. I made a playlist if you're also feeling this version of Elias https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5CgObaQshtDDUZwlyjALUf?si=Qz1MZSVBTLKEjvviqY2RnA I'm so hype guys i love him so much and he deserves good things.


End file.
